How Original...

Taqueria Los Patrones
1900 N. Expressway 77
Brownsville, Texas 78521
(956) 542-2967


Alrighty, so Hip has a bad day at work and wants to go have a drink or two. How the fuck am I going to say no to beer. So we head to "The Bar" and as we get there she says she wants to get something to eat real quick. So, next door to the bar is this taco place. We walk in and I sit down at the bar they have for some reason and this dude gives us a menu. Now, after getting the menu, the waiter lets us know that they only go tacos al pastor and hamburgers. Why even try to be open? What I wanted wasnt even available. So, I get the tacos al pastor, and Hip ends up somehow ordering flautas. Now, HIP LOVES FLAUTAS. She end sup loving this place cause they went out of their way and made her some. Me? I wasn't so thrilled. This place had the same atmosphere and every hole in the wall. I get my tacos and they are just like every damn taco place out there. I bite into them. Same taste. Now, I know right now I sound fucking stupid, but I mean there has been times when you go eat somewhere and the same fucking item they sell everywhere is so much better. I mean, look at how fucking popular Betty's Tortas got. It was the same shit, but something about those were so fucking good. Maybe they even went as far as adding cocaine to the butter they would spread on them. Anyways, I eat my food and drink my soda. That's as much as I can say. No cool story. Nothing spectacular. Just food.

Yup. Just like any other lamenated taco place menu.


These kinda look better than most flautas, but they weren't.

I rate this place as a 5 for not being horrible but not being good. This place was so mundane, I couldn't even think of anything funny, exciting, or even bullshit about it. meh....

-CHUCK
"Black Beans Of The Damned"

Didn't I Eat This Before?

Asia Buffet
251 E Morrison Rd
Brownsville, TX
78526-3373

So, once again me and hip were hungry driving around for some reason. Work has been talking about this place since it opened, so I told hip to go there. The place walking in look like Lin's and the door has a sign saying "Lunch 10% off". We walk in and pay 11 bucks (damn, good thing they had the 10% off cause I didn't know I was going to have enough). I sit down and this ok looking asian with breasts and no butt comes up for out drink order. I order my Dr. Pepper as I stare at her hickey on her neck. I get up scan the food....Usual shit. Fruit, chicken nuggets, rice, fish, sushi, grill, pizza, rice. MEH. Same shit. Now, I was expecting some new shit, but atleast some new tastes. Everything I tried seemed if they bought it from the same suppliers from every other asaian buffet place. As we ate overhearing the conversation about breasts between the coaches from vella middle school the next table over, I got up and looked for some non-fish sushi. Turns out they had some weird wasabi, avacado, cream cheese, and ginger roll. I shoved it in my mouth and gagged. Crapped sucked. I don't even like fish so why I wanted to try this at the time is beyond me. The service was good, but as usual you ask someone for something and you get blank stares cause of the language barrier. I ate. I leave. Nothing New.

5/10. Meh. This is the same shit you can get anywhere else. If you like Lin's, go there, if you are near the area and want Lin's, just go to Asia Buffet. But! Go to Tasty's to get some Potstickers on Buffet!!!!!

-chuck
"Slaves (of the Croissan'Wich)"