It's like in the transformer cartoons where they get drunk off oil...

So this past weekend The Bear, Blast Beat, Zombi, and I got together for a little practice. So naturally, we were going to drink. So, I bust out from my shitty cellar a bottle of Bitch, Please. This is a collaboration between Three Floyd's from Indiana and Brewdog from the U.K.

**note:this isn't my image, but it's used to know what it looks like. I forgot to take a picture of the beer.**

So, the bear and I put our stuff to chill. We proceed to practice for the new and the old set for some upcoming gigs. So, the time comes and I bust out the Bitch, Please. I pour equal amounts for me and the bear into our pint glasses, and I walk back into the practice room. After taking in the aroma of what seems to be a stout, I notice that it's the darkest barley wine I have had. So I'm standing there and The Bear is waiting a bit before he tries it. I decide to try mine and take a nice, healthy sip. (I've been sitting here trying to figure out a way to say this without sounding like it was written by a 5 yr old...but..) I shake and make a poo face. I'm standing there next to the amp and I shout, "This shit taste like a fucking tire!". Zombi, The Bear, and Blast Beat all look at me like I'm stupid. I sit next to The Bear and he takes his first drink. "what the fuck?! this taste like a burnt eraser". The smokey flavor overpowers everything in this beer. It's pretty much the same as when you are bbqing, and you shower the next day and you wash your hair and your shampoo runs down your face and it smells like the smoked meat from the night before. yeah, it's like that...but in your mouth. I used "and" a lot in that sentence....fuck it, moving on...Now, for some reason....I can't stop drinking it. I refuse to believe that this damn beer made by these two breweries...suck. I finish my beer, but all I taste is that damn smoked flavor. smoke.....smoookeeeeeee....

I give this beer a 3/5 cause...well it is drinkable, but I noticed no other flavors in the beer, other than the damn smoked flavor. I'll try this again in the future...maybe...

Chuck
"Hopthrone"

Just a little umph goes a long way.....

Alright alright alright.... After much neglect, boozin', and other random shit, this thing is back up and running. I've had a few more new beers to review and a few new places to review. So in the immortal words of The Joker...and here we go...

NOLITA PIZZA 
533 E. 13TH STREET 
BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS 78520 
PHONE: (956) 280-5807
they apparently have a website

So, any person you ask what today is, they will respond with the correct answer of "Big Mac Wednesday." Well, sometimes you have to eat something quick and cheap and today was one of those days. I picked up Brava (she's new to to blog, say hello to her in the comments) and I ran some errands. After driving around for a bit, I passed by McDonald's and asked her if she wanted something. She said no and suggested getting some Rutledge. If you read my post about them then you know my answer was yes. We made our way downtown and I forgot ha street Rutledge was on. I took a turn and noticed a red painted building I don't remember seeing from my times of skating downtown. I saw pizza and was like, "whaaaa?" Brava and I agreed to try it out instead of having some burgers. I parked a few blocks down and we hopped onto our skateboards and made our way down the stupid bricked sidewalks cause the streets were full of dickface Brownsville drivers. We hit the location and I pull the door open and walk into a newly renovated place with a good amount of space and tables and I walk up to the counter and see the pizzas they offer. Pepperoni, Italian sausage, and some bullshit with chicken and pork that looked like they just threw left overs of other pizzas on top. After the three pizzas hey had was a tray of "pizza dogs". Interesting. I talk to the lady and order a slice and Brava chooses a pizza dog. The lady offers me a nice deal of 4.25 for 2 slices with a drink so I end up getting pepperoni and Italian sausage. After paying, I get my cup and sit down after filling it with some soda. So, I turn to Brava and we talk about some random topic for less than a minute, I look forward and notice that my order is sitting on the counter. The Fuck??! They must have a super over to heat a slice up like that. I sit down and give Brava her pizza dog and I fold my slice and take my first bite...

THERE ARE NO FLAVORS. THERE ARE NO SPICES
I turn to Brava and she is looking at her pizza dog with a face I can best describe as "pues que chingado es esto". I take another bite of my pizza and I get a small piece of sausage. Now, the sausage is so far spread out that to get a piece of it in every bite you have to fold the slice and still even then the shit sauce they use over powers the ok sausage. I then try adding crushed red pepper and Parmesan. Nope. The cheese and sauce drains flavor out of everything. The best comparison  to a pizza I can give is Peter Piper Pizza. BUT, petter pipper pizza has perfected the cardboard pizza. Since kids we have gone there and had parties and as we get older we wait for our friends kids to have parties there. You can NOT fuck with triple p and his shit.I ask Brava how her pizza dog is and she just hands it to me. I take a bite and it's a fucking weenie wrapped in dough. Where does the pizza come into play? The cheese is flavorless as well and the weenie they used was just on par with FUD brand weenies. Everyone knows how shitty FUD brand items are. If you don't, hope you don't have to find out. I take a bite of the pepperoni and it's a bit better. Since the slices of pepperoni are bigger, you get a bit more than just no flavored bullshit. Brava breaks her silence by just proclaiming, "this is just a fucking weenie they sold us." I turn to my left and see a ray of hope. So beautiful. SO GLORIOUS. I look at my half eaten slice of Italian sausage, my 1/4th done slice of pepperoni and the stupid pizza dog. And I go for it. I lift my plate up and I shove my slices into the trashcan. I take my cup and sip, swish, and spit my soda back into the cup and throw it away. I walk out and make a beeline to Rutledge where I had my good lunch....

I give this place 3/10 just for having refills and a sign that said BYOB. Now, I wont recommend this place to anyone. I will try this again in a few months just to verify this place sucks. The prices are probably what keeps this place open and may be a deal for some. If you like it, all power to you. but why listen to me, what do I know? I just drink good beer and don't eat bullshit.