It's like in the transformer cartoons where they get drunk off oil...

So this past weekend The Bear, Blast Beat, Zombi, and I got together for a little practice. So naturally, we were going to drink. So, I bust out from my shitty cellar a bottle of Bitch, Please. This is a collaboration between Three Floyd's from Indiana and Brewdog from the U.K.

**note:this isn't my image, but it's used to know what it looks like. I forgot to take a picture of the beer.**

So, the bear and I put our stuff to chill. We proceed to practice for the new and the old set for some upcoming gigs. So, the time comes and I bust out the Bitch, Please. I pour equal amounts for me and the bear into our pint glasses, and I walk back into the practice room. After taking in the aroma of what seems to be a stout, I notice that it's the darkest barley wine I have had. So I'm standing there and The Bear is waiting a bit before he tries it. I decide to try mine and take a nice, healthy sip. (I've been sitting here trying to figure out a way to say this without sounding like it was written by a 5 yr old...but..) I shake and make a poo face. I'm standing there next to the amp and I shout, "This shit taste like a fucking tire!". Zombi, The Bear, and Blast Beat all look at me like I'm stupid. I sit next to The Bear and he takes his first drink. "what the fuck?! this taste like a burnt eraser". The smokey flavor overpowers everything in this beer. It's pretty much the same as when you are bbqing, and you shower the next day and you wash your hair and your shampoo runs down your face and it smells like the smoked meat from the night before. yeah, it's like that...but in your mouth. I used "and" a lot in that sentence....fuck it, moving on...Now, for some reason....I can't stop drinking it. I refuse to believe that this damn beer made by these two breweries...suck. I finish my beer, but all I taste is that damn smoked flavor. smoke.....smoookeeeeeee....

I give this beer a 3/5 cause...well it is drinkable, but I noticed no other flavors in the beer, other than the damn smoked flavor. I'll try this again in the future...maybe...

Chuck
"Hopthrone"

Just a little umph goes a long way.....

Alright alright alright.... After much neglect, boozin', and other random shit, this thing is back up and running. I've had a few more new beers to review and a few new places to review. So in the immortal words of The Joker...and here we go...

NOLITA PIZZA 
533 E. 13TH STREET 
BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS 78520 
PHONE: (956) 280-5807
they apparently have a website

So, any person you ask what today is, they will respond with the correct answer of "Big Mac Wednesday." Well, sometimes you have to eat something quick and cheap and today was one of those days. I picked up Brava (she's new to to blog, say hello to her in the comments) and I ran some errands. After driving around for a bit, I passed by McDonald's and asked her if she wanted something. She said no and suggested getting some Rutledge. If you read my post about them then you know my answer was yes. We made our way downtown and I forgot ha street Rutledge was on. I took a turn and noticed a red painted building I don't remember seeing from my times of skating downtown. I saw pizza and was like, "whaaaa?" Brava and I agreed to try it out instead of having some burgers. I parked a few blocks down and we hopped onto our skateboards and made our way down the stupid bricked sidewalks cause the streets were full of dickface Brownsville drivers. We hit the location and I pull the door open and walk into a newly renovated place with a good amount of space and tables and I walk up to the counter and see the pizzas they offer. Pepperoni, Italian sausage, and some bullshit with chicken and pork that looked like they just threw left overs of other pizzas on top. After the three pizzas hey had was a tray of "pizza dogs". Interesting. I talk to the lady and order a slice and Brava chooses a pizza dog. The lady offers me a nice deal of 4.25 for 2 slices with a drink so I end up getting pepperoni and Italian sausage. After paying, I get my cup and sit down after filling it with some soda. So, I turn to Brava and we talk about some random topic for less than a minute, I look forward and notice that my order is sitting on the counter. The Fuck??! They must have a super over to heat a slice up like that. I sit down and give Brava her pizza dog and I fold my slice and take my first bite...

THERE ARE NO FLAVORS. THERE ARE NO SPICES
I turn to Brava and she is looking at her pizza dog with a face I can best describe as "pues que chingado es esto". I take another bite of my pizza and I get a small piece of sausage. Now, the sausage is so far spread out that to get a piece of it in every bite you have to fold the slice and still even then the shit sauce they use over powers the ok sausage. I then try adding crushed red pepper and Parmesan. Nope. The cheese and sauce drains flavor out of everything. The best comparison  to a pizza I can give is Peter Piper Pizza. BUT, petter pipper pizza has perfected the cardboard pizza. Since kids we have gone there and had parties and as we get older we wait for our friends kids to have parties there. You can NOT fuck with triple p and his shit.I ask Brava how her pizza dog is and she just hands it to me. I take a bite and it's a fucking weenie wrapped in dough. Where does the pizza come into play? The cheese is flavorless as well and the weenie they used was just on par with FUD brand weenies. Everyone knows how shitty FUD brand items are. If you don't, hope you don't have to find out. I take a bite of the pepperoni and it's a bit better. Since the slices of pepperoni are bigger, you get a bit more than just no flavored bullshit. Brava breaks her silence by just proclaiming, "this is just a fucking weenie they sold us." I turn to my left and see a ray of hope. So beautiful. SO GLORIOUS. I look at my half eaten slice of Italian sausage, my 1/4th done slice of pepperoni and the stupid pizza dog. And I go for it. I lift my plate up and I shove my slices into the trashcan. I take my cup and sip, swish, and spit my soda back into the cup and throw it away. I walk out and make a beeline to Rutledge where I had my good lunch....

I give this place 3/10 just for having refills and a sign that said BYOB. Now, I wont recommend this place to anyone. I will try this again in a few months just to verify this place sucks. The prices are probably what keeps this place open and may be a deal for some. If you like it, all power to you. but why listen to me, what do I know? I just drink good beer and don't eat bullshit.

Pumpkin Pie?

Well here goes my first beer review. Now, if you want indepth, beer snooty, exact hops types bullshit talk I suggest you check out sites like and of course . Me? I'll just say whatever the fuck I want to say. So...here...we....go....


Southern Tier - Pumking

Now, I heard that this is the pumpkin beer to have. 9% ABV and made with real pumpkin. How could this possibly be bad?! After some reading and messaging among friends, a good friend (who will now to refer to as "Agoraphobic") brought back a few bottles of this to try. I got them in and chilled them for a day. When the time came, I cracked a bottle open to help me pass some time waiting for Spot to come home. I poured the bottle into a regular pint glass,and you could smell the pumpkin right off the bat. The spices you can smell remind me of pie, but not too much as everyone says. I take a hearty gulp and the beer tastes like pumpkin. But not as much as pumpkin pie as everyone says. the aftertaste, on the other hand, taste like corn. This too me is nothing like pumpkin pie. The corn aftertaste I can handle and as the beer warms up, its gets a bit spicer. All in all, I would drink this again.

4/5 Sometimes the spices may be a bit overpowering but the taste is really good. But, with most people that tried it, you either love it or hate it.

3rd times a charm....

So, it's been said over and over...but I am returning to doing this. But, now I will not only be talking about food, but also beer and music. So this marks a new name and layput as well. So, things should be rolling soon with a review of La Botanna and Avery Brewery's The Czar!


-Chuck
Degredation of the human pallate....

My damn legs almost gave out....

Burgesa Burgers
5921 North 23rd Street
McAllen, TX 78504
phone: 956-687-PESO (7376) fax: 956-686-4FAX (4329)
email: tres@burguesa.com
hours: Monday thru Thursday 10:30am to 9pm
Friday and Saturday 10:30am to 10pm

So my (now defunct) band had a show in Mcallen a few weeks back. Me and Brava were driving up and Marco Fiesta calls me up and tells me to hurry my ass cause Waters wants to go eat at some place I couldn't understand what he was saying. I get into town meet up with the band and we are off. I pull up into this place and make fun of Marco Fiesta for being Mexican and not knowing how to say Burgesa correctly. Anways, this place has a outside and inside dining area and a window you can walk up to. We go inside and look at the menu and get a insta-boner. I saw the monumental. Let me go ahead and tell you what the fuck is in it. from bottom to top: bun, patty, cheese, patty, cheese, ham, a tostada, re-fried beans, lettuce, tomato, onion, avocado, special sauce, bun. When I saw this I nearly passed out from all the blood in my head rushing straight to my wiener. I then notice they have a hot dog as well with white cheese and jalapenos. So now, I don't know if I should get the burger, the hot dog, or both! I decide to just get a burger. Now when you order, you have the option to either get fries or spicy fries. I go ahead and order the spicy fries to see what they are and ask for no special sauce since it's based with mayo. After a small fight with Spot about not adding bacon to her burger, I walk over to get my drink. I stand there in awe at what I couldn't believe what I was looking at. Not only does this place have Coke, Dr Pepper, and Sprite...they fucking have mexican coke, orange soda, lemon soda, and FUCKING GRAPEFRUIT SODA ON GOD DAMN FOUNTAIN. I fill up my cup and wait for my order to come up. After some dude with a accent calls us up I grab my bag and sit down and look inside to find this...

UN PINCHE CHILE ARRIBE BE MI PINCHE BURGESA BIEN CHIDA WAY! NO MAMES!
I pull out my burger and fries and I hand Hermosa her's and we unwrap them.

Shit was like Christmas. After watching Waters, Fiesta, and Party eat their stuff, we dig in. I bite in and the meat is nice and tender and correctly spiced. The tostada adds a nice bit of texture and feeling. I just think if you order this to go and don't eat it soon enough, it might be a bit soggy. The beans and avocado add to the mixture of flavor of not only having American, but also some Mexican tastes in it. The fries are cooked crispy enough and were sprinkled with chili powder for a little kick. Hermosa just got a cheeseburger and actually enjoyed it. Steve Party got a hot dog and told me it was good. I was way too stuffed to get it and didn't want to puke it up later from all the beer. As a little bonus, they give you a lucky taco, which is just a fortune cookie in taco form. Spot felt screwed cause her taco had no fortune. Mine said Pedro told me some shit I don't remember.

I honestly give this place a 9/10 cause of the taste and the fucking soda selection. The combo costs about 8.00 bucks which seems fine to me. I don't really bitch about prices but if you are on a budget, fuck it.This place might get a 10 if that damn hot dog is delicious. And for all you vegans and stuff, they will replace the meat for a veggie patty. How awesome is that for you?!?

-chuck
"EAT.IRON LUNG.DEATH"

worse than having micheal j fox open your beer...

Mimi's Cafe
I'm not posting a fucking address cause it's letting you know where the fuck this shit hole is....

So, here goes. Me and Hip were on our way to Mac-town to do some shopping and other random shit. On the recommendation of The Bear, we decide on going to Mimi's cafe. The place looks pretty nice, with a somewhat patio are for dining consisting of just 3 tables. The place has a the decor of New Orleans style gumbo, creole, salsa, zydeco whatever the fuck. We walk in and stand there and wait to be seated. So for a minute we are there and the wait staff is walking by us. Another couple walks in and stands there and in the next 30 seconds the host walks up and seats them, and as she is walking away asks "Were you going to eat here too?". Well, no shit you dumb bitch. I came in more to look at the beautiful artwork you had and was hoping for info on where your supplier gets wonderful pieces of southern style art! We get seated by a dude who has a tie too small for his girth and we scan the menu. I literally saw nothing that was really tempting. But, I came across a chicken sandwich that looked delicious. I don't even remember what the fuck hip had cause the shit sucked too. Anyways, I get my Dr. Pepper and bullshit with Hip about stuff. Our food comes and we just look at it. I am kinda weary about it, and I take my first bite. I chew and stop and look at hip who hasn't even cut her food yet. She looks at me and just says "It sucks?". NOPE. IT FUCKING BLOWS. The bland as chicken has no flavor and the only thing i can even taste is something I don't know what it is but it taste like cardboard. Hip eats her's and just sighs. Now, I love food and in the history of me eating at restaurants...I HAVE NEVER RETURNED A PLATE. NEVER NEVER NEVER. I'm sitting there and try another bite trying to maybe think to myself its good. I fail at that and when the waiter returns I tell him how bad the food is. I ask for something different. I ordered something else that i dont even fucking remember. I sat there looking at my 2nd failed meal. I drank the soda to wash out the taste. I sat there looking around at the other shit people were eating and how in the fuck they were enjoying it. I also then realized Hip and I were the only people under the age of 60 there (besides the staff). I left my food, paid my bill and walked out....

All in all, I rate this place a huge fuck you. this place sucked more ass than a old man doing a rusty trumpet. I vow never to go back to this place. The Bear told me to go back and have the chicken pot pie. but if i wanted that shit I'd just go to HEB.

How Original...

Taqueria Los Patrones
1900 N. Expressway 77
Brownsville, Texas 78521
(956) 542-2967


Alrighty, so Hip has a bad day at work and wants to go have a drink or two. How the fuck am I going to say no to beer. So we head to "The Bar" and as we get there she says she wants to get something to eat real quick. So, next door to the bar is this taco place. We walk in and I sit down at the bar they have for some reason and this dude gives us a menu. Now, after getting the menu, the waiter lets us know that they only go tacos al pastor and hamburgers. Why even try to be open? What I wanted wasnt even available. So, I get the tacos al pastor, and Hip ends up somehow ordering flautas. Now, HIP LOVES FLAUTAS. She end sup loving this place cause they went out of their way and made her some. Me? I wasn't so thrilled. This place had the same atmosphere and every hole in the wall. I get my tacos and they are just like every damn taco place out there. I bite into them. Same taste. Now, I know right now I sound fucking stupid, but I mean there has been times when you go eat somewhere and the same fucking item they sell everywhere is so much better. I mean, look at how fucking popular Betty's Tortas got. It was the same shit, but something about those were so fucking good. Maybe they even went as far as adding cocaine to the butter they would spread on them. Anyways, I eat my food and drink my soda. That's as much as I can say. No cool story. Nothing spectacular. Just food.

Yup. Just like any other lamenated taco place menu.


These kinda look better than most flautas, but they weren't.

I rate this place as a 5 for not being horrible but not being good. This place was so mundane, I couldn't even think of anything funny, exciting, or even bullshit about it. meh....

-CHUCK
"Black Beans Of The Damned"