How Original...

Taqueria Los Patrones
1900 N. Expressway 77
Brownsville, Texas 78521
(956) 542-2967


Alrighty, so Hip has a bad day at work and wants to go have a drink or two. How the fuck am I going to say no to beer. So we head to "The Bar" and as we get there she says she wants to get something to eat real quick. So, next door to the bar is this taco place. We walk in and I sit down at the bar they have for some reason and this dude gives us a menu. Now, after getting the menu, the waiter lets us know that they only go tacos al pastor and hamburgers. Why even try to be open? What I wanted wasnt even available. So, I get the tacos al pastor, and Hip ends up somehow ordering flautas. Now, HIP LOVES FLAUTAS. She end sup loving this place cause they went out of their way and made her some. Me? I wasn't so thrilled. This place had the same atmosphere and every hole in the wall. I get my tacos and they are just like every damn taco place out there. I bite into them. Same taste. Now, I know right now I sound fucking stupid, but I mean there has been times when you go eat somewhere and the same fucking item they sell everywhere is so much better. I mean, look at how fucking popular Betty's Tortas got. It was the same shit, but something about those were so fucking good. Maybe they even went as far as adding cocaine to the butter they would spread on them. Anyways, I eat my food and drink my soda. That's as much as I can say. No cool story. Nothing spectacular. Just food.

Yup. Just like any other lamenated taco place menu.


These kinda look better than most flautas, but they weren't.

I rate this place as a 5 for not being horrible but not being good. This place was so mundane, I couldn't even think of anything funny, exciting, or even bullshit about it. meh....

-CHUCK
"Black Beans Of The Damned"

More like...FUCK YES GRILL

Fajitas Grill
568 Springmart Blvd Ste, 1300
Brownsville, Texas
(956)350-2200


Well, Pala and her boy were eating and sent me a text asking if I was hungry. I replied "yes" and thus, I recieved some tacos from some place she was at. They were good and she mentioned where they were from but I was busy at work and just let it be. So, some times passes and Hip wants some flautas. We make a wrong turn and end up by Fajitas Grill. Hip pulls in and we get out and she was all skeptical. The waiter, Raul, was super nice. He answered all our questions and eases Hip into eating there. Me, I didn't really give a shit cause I was hungry. Like any other mexican food place, no refills (only on tea), badass mexican sodas, and tea. I order a tea and they serve us a huge ass glass which makes me happy. Now, the whole time Raul is being badass. He brings us our salsa, which the green was the best, our tortilla chips, lemons, and the such. To my surprise, Raul brings us some bowl with guacamole. What is awesome is that it is unmixed and Hip gets a bit and mixes it without onion and I can mix all I want together. We ordered a thing called the Sencilla "para 2" and ask for white cheese to be added. Raul bring us some beans. Now, being from South Texas and eating at so many mexican restaurants, usually, they don't give a shit about the beans. Well, this place does. I was suprised they tasted good alone, and even better when I added some green salsa and a pinch of salt. Teamed up with some tostadas, this shit was good. This next sentence way sound weird or gross, but I don't give a shit and I'm going to say it. Even the bean water was delicious! ha ha ha. I added some crushed chips and ate it like that. They also brought us a small amount of rice...but it kinda sucked. Not too much flavor, Raul pops up with our food and I marvel at it. Hip gets her fork and digs in and I get all giddy when this happens...

AWWWW YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Now, that is some epic shit that belongs up there with blow jobs, firecrackers, and getting records in the mail! The fajtita is nicely seasoned and soft. Not too soft where it falls apart but lets you savour it as you chew through it. The chicken fajita is tender and I liked it, but Hip thought it sucked. And, the sausage was a nice little side item to have. I made a few tacos of fajita, guacamole, grilled onions, green salsa, and some rice. Try it out!

I rate this place a 7/10 and a thumbs up. I was surprised at the great service Raul offered but, like always my gripe is on refills...but nothing else. I gave it a 7 cause I haven't tried other menu items. I recommend this place if you're going to chill with some friends. Funny thing is that the tvs they had on, were playing 1000 ways to die and powerpuff girls ha ha ha. Remember to tip Raul if you get him well.

Chuck
"Cibatta Of Ghouls"

*quick side note*
They told me during the upcoming playoff games, they will have 1.50 domestic bottle beers, half priced botanas, and half priced sencilla plates (which is what we ordered)!!!!


A nice view of the cheese covered food, the small bean bowl, and the guacamole bowl. Check out how huge the tea glass looks!

My Record is 13....

Taquito Express
744 BOCA CHICA BLVD
BROWNSVILLE, TX 78520

Alright, this place is one of my favorite restaurants in Brownsville. I first come across this place cause I wanted tacos but I was tired of Mr. Taco and didn't feel like eating Ultimo Taco. Hip and I go here alot. I mention this place to anyone who asks about tacos and back in pretty well. I first went to this place to get food to go. I asked for a potato (I love baked potatos) and Hip got some toastads. I asked the dude how big they were and said normal size. We get back to Hip's house and i bust open the to go plate and this fucking beast of a potato is waiting for me with melted cheese, sour cream, and cut up bistek. I dug in and the potato was cooked perfect, the bistek seasoned just right, and the sour cream was just enough. Now, if you ever been to Rudy's and had the potato...Fuck those! THESE RIGHT HERE KILLS THOSE. If I had to compare these two together...the Taquito Express taco is like getting a blow job from Megan Fox, and the rudys is like getting a gummer from your Joan Rivers. So, I return once more to try the tacos. all you can eat taco for 6 bucks. Really?! YES REALLY! Any combination you want. Bistek, Trompo, Molleja, Pollo, or fajita wait your choosing. Now, your thinking...they probably skimp out on the meat. NOPE. This tacos are packed. They start you off with eight and give you a plate of onions. Best of all...The tortillas are not fried in grease. Great if you are all health nut or something. The service there is great and they are rather fast. At times you sit and order and get your soda and tacos within the 5 minuted you are there. Usually we try to out eat each other when we go here for tacos. So far this is how it goes on records...

Chuck - 13
Marzipan - 12
Hip - 6 (ha h ha)
Enforcer - 15!!!
Snake - 11

The place gets a thumbs up and is rated 8/10. It would be a total ten if they had refills on sodas but most taco places don't. Also, the one plate I ordered that was bad were the panchos. Stay clear of those. Also, if you get a potato, order a pirata de harina with it. Those things are just wonderful!

-Chuck
"Screaming for Vegtables"